Kunst

I love going to art museums and looking at all the beautiful and not so beautiful pieces of art. The idea that little pieces of people’s hearts, minds, or even souls are put up for display is beautiful and often awe inspiring. This is also why art is scary and risky to make, it is putting something from you onto a piece of paper or canvas or clay or any other wide array of mediums and allowing the rest of the world to view it. It is a scary, dangerous, and often messy thing to make a piece of art. Creating art makes us vulnerable and that is always risky. So why do we do it?

I think it is because God created works of art as well, and whether we know it or not we strive to be more like our creator. God made the universe and He also made us; He took a piece of Himself and put it out there, it was dangerous, messy, and risky. He knew He would face pain, criticism, and many times be completely rejected.

When God created us, unlike our works of art, He didn’t just face criticism from others observing His art, His work of art criticized themselves. We don’t often think of ourselves as a piece of God’s art so putting ourselves and others down is often treated like a good humbling practice, but in all reality is it criticizing God’s art. He put Himself into making us, and a lot of time, thought, and love went into our creation. He knew we would not appreciate His art always, but He loved us anyways, and He constantly looks at us and says, “What a beautiful work of art.”

Victoria's Way of Having a List, Without Having a List

I think I should make a public apology to my hypothetical husband. Why? Because he has to be the most (hypothetically, speaking of course) crazy man alive.

I have so many qualifiers. And they are ridiculous. Warning: drinking warm liquids during reading this may cause you to spew quite a bit onto yourself.

1. You're going to be a lumberjack.
2. You're going to love flannel.
3. You're going to forgive my cigar-smoking, beer-drinking, sometimes swearing mouth and accept that I am classy (mostly).
4. You're going to love little children.
5. You're going to have a beard. (Insert the Love My Lips song from the Veggietales here because every time I hear the word beard, my inner chorus begins singing "She had a beard and it felt weird...")
6. You're going to love that I can sing the theme songs to most every show I adored as a child.
7. You will embrace that I like things a lot or I just don't like it all. I will eat vegetables, fruits, mac and cheese until I cannot stand the smell of the, go on a hiatus, and then start back into my love fro them.
8. You will not drink Pepsi and will embrace that red can of Coke like it is your very own.
9. You will accept that beer-drinking me really prefers hard ciders and fruity drinks (well, mostly).
10. You will sing along to my stupid songs or you will sing your own.
11. You will love animals, but won't make me love dogs because sometimes I really don't like them.

And, things I will never apologize for..

1. You will love God, more than me.
2. You will love people.
3. You will love children. (You don't have to want them; I will convince you of that.)
4. You will love cupcakes, because I love to bake them.
5. You will love laughter and laugh at jokes of all varieties.

You better exist hypothetical man or I will be sorely disappointed.

*This is spurred out of my temporary discontent with being single. I just know there's a bearded, flannel-wearing lumberjack waiting for me to call his lady.

One good quality =perfection

The other night a friend and I went out to get some dessert and a drink, when we were served by a man with a gorgeous Irish accent. We sat and admired his accent the whole night even to go as far as to stop talking whenever he was off talking to another customer. We agreed that although he wasn’t all that physically attractive his accent made him, all that (ok so I know that the term “all that” isn’t really used anymore, but in my head it is at least a step up from da bomb). So here I was picturing a life where I would just listen to this man talk, not really about anything in particular, for the rest of my life. However, I am pretty sure the awe of his accent would have faded quickly after I had to listen to 20 straight hours of him talking about futball and my “perfect man” would soon become flawed.

This situation may be different if it wasn’t for the fact that I tend to do this with any guy I like, I find one or two things I like about a guy and I only see those good qualities. I look for the things to cross off a check list of my perfect man and if he fits even one, I think ding ding I’ve got a winner. Now I know I am not the only one to do this, it is an epidemic sweeping the singles nation. How do I know this? Well I attended a Christian college, where the phrase, “I love Jesus, You love Jesus, let’s get married,” actually became a reality. So many times I have fallen into the trap of believing that just because a guy loves Jesus just as much as me, we are destined to be together forever. True it is essential that two people be at the same level spiritually for marriage, but just because that weird guy at my church gives his all to Jesus, it doesn’t mean God wants us to join forces by default.

So what am I to do to overcome this mindset? Well I need to take a step back, not just go all googly eyed, ask the people closest to me their opinions, and most importantly ask my heavenly Father what He thinks.

What are your opinions, why do you think we pick one thing about a person that we life and automatically think they are the one?

Creepy Neighbor Chronicles Continued

I think that I have finally reached the point in my life where I have been single for so long that it's almost as if I have never dated anyone. I have encountered enough creepy men as of late to make me realize that even if someone with no obvious potential creep factor (OPCF as we shall call it from here on out) were to approach me I would probably reel in disgust.

I don't know what the appropriate response to creepy men is, period. I am not a woman of little words and I am not a woman that is usually without a snarky comeback or one-liner. However, men with OPCF have approached me (creepy downstairs neighbor, for example) and I clam up. The moment I begin to feel even the slightest bit awkward, I stop talking. The inner dialogue is rather comical in hindsight, so I shall share that with you now:

(Creepy Neighbor =CN)

CN: Hey how about you sit down here and talk with me a bit.

Me: *Silence*

Internal Me: How about not. How about I punch you. How about I call Jerry Springer and explain to him that my drunk crazy neighbor keeps setting up propositions like he wants to have an affair with me and I am fairly certain his wife would chop me up into tiny fragments if she knew the truth.

Me: Uh no thanks.

CN: How was your day?

Internal Me: It was wonderful until I came downstairs and you were drunk, half dressed, and listening to bluegrass music (which I even used to like) and tried to get me to sit down with you and swig out of that unlabeled bottle of alcohol, where is your chloroform?

That's how every conversation is happening between the two of us. How do I make him not so creepy? What do I need to say to truly disengage him? How about you? Do you have a OPCF sense? Do you know when you are running into someone who is going to turn out to be a real creep?

The Renewal

This new found air is like breathing for the first time, awkward and clumsy. Vulnerability is giving way to a strength not found in me. Sometimes I feel I have been asleep and comfortable for most of my life, but there is a jarring inside my head that is resonating to the very depths of my soul. I cannot pin point the exact aha, where God’s wisdom shone through the dark attics of my mind, those that once were so content to sleep in mediocrity are now awakened by a trumpet blast of fresh cool air.

I am alive and this is my gift of life, so why am I simply letting it go by without any consequence? This is my life which I’ve chose to ignore hiding my head in the clouds or was it the sand, at some point they both mix together in a beautifully awful distraction from the truth of the life given to me. I will not sit still any longer, I will not hide any more, I will not let myself be controlled by anything other than the One who gave every single thing He had including His life to me. This is my declaration, my awakening, my freedom, my passion, my love, my all!

Nice Syndrome

There is one large problem with being Nice: when you’re single at the same time. If you’re a nice person and single, you can’t talk to people with them trying to think of someone they can set you up with because, well, you’re nice.

I mean, who has never used that phrase when trying to set you up. That is the go-to description when a set-up is trying to happen.

And then there is the fact you can never talk to the opposite sex, because if you’re nice to them, then you must be flirting with them.

Why can’t you just be nice?

Because I’m a nice girl and out going, I’ve given up being friends with guys, because since I hit the swan stage* of life almost ever guy I was “just friends” with has eventually wanted more.

And then when you start telling people this they start encouraging you to the contrary of your instincts. You see I know myself well enough to know when a guy is strong enough to keep up with me, and so far there have been very few I thought would be able to and even they have never made a move. And because of this I don’t settle. I know what I want and I’ve never been the girl for trial and error, which seems to be the philosophy of our culture, so I hate when people try to talk me into guys that are definitively not for me.

So what’s the solution? The only one I can come up with is to dress ugly and hit people with a big stick with nails jutting out of it.

But then that hardly the nice thing to do, is it?

*I was totally an ugly duckling growing up. I didn’t hit my grown up stretch until college. And even then I still didn’t feel like a grown up till a couple years ago, and even that’s negotiable.

Worry Wart

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.”

Chronic Worrier: Someone who worries about not worrying enough they worry so much.

That's what I am...a chronic worrier. I always want to know that I am in control, that I am the one who has got the end result in my grasp, and the one who decides the best choice. But I am hardly ever, if ever, the one who has it all mapped out.

So I worry.

And I worry.

And I worry.

I think the entire point of this post is my hopes that I am not alone in this. I worry that I have worried about a situation enough. It's impractical, silly, and most of all, tiring.

I don't have much more to say. It was a small confession in the midst of my hectic schedule. I don't ever seem to have time to think, but then I worry that I've spent too much time doing nothing! Geeze, I am a wreck.

Quickly, though, I've been thinking about things I want to do before I die. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Write a book about my life.
2. Explore another country and its sights.
3. Road trip across the US.
4. Get married to a lumberjack.
5. Have a ton of flannel-wearing babies.

Victoria Out.

My Concept of Reality

My life has too often runs in the cycle of me telling God what I need, me freaking out because I can’t possibly see how He could do it this time, Him providing for me above and beyond what I asked for, and finally me being shocked and amazed that I didn’t even see what was coming. Now you would think after all this time I would have just resigned to the fact that God will supply my needs beyond my understanding or comprehension. I think too many times I tell God my problems expecting Him to say, “Wow I didn’t expect this one, I mean I made the entire universe, but this car problem whew that may be a tough one.”

I too often put God inside my concept of reality, when in all actuality God is so much more than anything our minds can wrap around. Too many times, I tend to glaze over the spiritual part of God, I require Him to be only in my physical world. The truth is our lives are not just what we can see, feel, touch, taste, smell, or even describe with words.

We are spiritual beings created by Someone who we can’t physically experience with our senses, so why do we so often expect God to do things only we can understand.

I can’t count the amount of times I am shocked when God does something I didn’t see coming, and scared when I can’t see how it all is going to work out. Why? Why do I forget that God is so much more than my senses or reason?

I think it is because it is more comfortable for me to put things in the world’s perspective than to think that God is doing things all around me that I can’t see. It isn’t comfortable trusting in Someone who I have never seen, but the truth is I can rest in the knowledge that my God is good. He will never stop shocking and amazing me because He will never stop providing for me and you or loving me and you in ways we cannot see or imagine.

Time

Time flies when you're having fun, which is true, but even more so I think time flies when you have a car. I recently had a birthday (thus the reason I missed a day last week) and I am now a quarter of a century old. That makes me look back on life and feel like I haven't accomplished much. I have a long list of to-do's before I die, and haven't gotten very far on many of them. But that's when I realized I spent the first 25 years of my life learning. You don't get the chance to accomplish as much as you would like, because you're to busy learning how to do what you love, and even what it is that you love.

That's why I propose the the following break up of live stages: Learning, Loving, Living, Leaving. Like I said the first 25 years you're learning everything from walking to advanced mathematics. Then there's the next 25 years where you should understand yourself fairly well and are able to do the the things you love. Writing and traveling are my two biggest right now and I'm trying to follow through on those. The 25 years after that are Living. You've finally gone through enough of life that you understand the power of the moment, and you try to get the most life out of every moment that you have. Then there's the last 25, where you prepare to leave. Things don't matter quite as much and you start giving them to those that need them. You try to connect with your family as much as you can, and being right seems less important. Now these are finite rules, and to me it makes me work harder to achieve a since of balance between the four. I don't want wait till I'm 50 to start living in the moment, and since you never know when you're moment is, I always want to be prepared to leave gracefully from this world. So I try to pull all of these moments together into a consistent, which isn't always successful, but does bring about a more fulfilling life.

But maybe I missed a moment, What are you life stages?

Victoria's Just Saying moment

Working with children generally gives me the excuse to divulge in entertainment that classy adults toss aside as "child's play". However, upon the switching of our lullaby music to a more "hippy cd that doesn't skip" I am rethinking my love for children's things.

"And the chocolate cat goes cavorting around,

From this leafy limb unto that.

Sugarplums tumble, of course, to the ground...

HURRAH! For the chocolate cat!"

I am sorry, there is nothing about this lullaby that screams anything more than BIZARRE to me. As I sit patting two year olds to "Shut-Eye Town" I am praying that they are not finding themselves caught up in this awkward land of chocolate cats and gingerbread dogs. I am not generally one to be so judgmental, but if I have to put a bet on it, this song sounds more like a drug-trip than an appropriate wish for a child's dreams.

And this has been another one of those posts where the main point was so I could summarize it all by,

"Just sayin'"

(I hoped and prayed to find you a wonderful rendition of this song. This one is a children's choir, but I think you will realize that even they find this song excruciating. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87yI8SV2lic )

Friendship Necklaces

When I was younger and I liked someone I would tell them through a little note or letter, whether it be a friend, or if I liked liked a boy it didn’t matter each would get a cute note with more than likely several cute decorations on it. I would send this special person a letter telling them about my life and about my honest and simply feelings for them. I want to know what happened to those days of simply sharing our feelings. Did we all one day think, hmm… I think sharing our true emotions to someone through letter form or any form for that matter is way too childish? What happened to the days when if we wondered whether someone liked us all we had to do was ask?

Well I believe those days do not have to be over, I propose that we stop making things so complicated and go back to just being honest. You have friends that you are thankful for and love? Tell them, send them a note, now it doesn’t have to have BFF drawn all over it and a necklace enclosed that says best on their half and friends on yours, but I am sure it would be nice for your friends to hear how appreciated they are to you. This one doesn’t apply to me right now, but if you have a boyfriend or husband and you love them dearly, let them know it. Write them a note to tell them, it doesn’t have to have hearts and flowers drawn all over it, but if it does I think that would make it even more amazing. Finally, I know we all just figure God knows how we feel about Him, I mean He knows everything right? I am sure that He does, but I am also sure that He would love to hear it more than we say it, so write a note to God telling Him how He makes you feel, the good, the bad, and the wonderful.

What are some ways that you share your love to those you care about?