Being a single 20-something has always given way to the more 'apt to get creeped on' factor. For whatever the reason, when someone realizes you are a single female living without a parent or significant other--it soon becomes 'on like donkey kong'. And I had NO IDEA that I was going to be treated like a prized buck lurking unknowingly in the woods.
Maybe that lead in was a bit melodramatic, but it's the expression of how I feel with living in an apartment building with what I will from here on out dub, 'the creepy neighbor'.
I was born and raised in Kentucky. Yes, let all of the jokes ensue, but I hate to buy into stereotypes of any sort, but I have been sold on some of the 'Jerry Springer Assumptions'. Go ahead and diss all that you fancy, but when it comes to crazies, I met plenty in my years as a good ol' Kentucky girl. Then I moved out of state and into a land of the unknown and the crazy factor increased by a good 100-and-crazy %.
Crazy Neighbor Stats:
- Nearing Fifty.
- Balding.
- Losing Teeth.
- Smokes cigarettes on a lawn chair outside the entrance to the apartment because it's a non-smoking building.
- Doesn't speak proper grammar.
- Will call you 'perdy' instead of 'pretty'.
- And will only do so after he establishes you are home alone.
- Has a crazy wife.
- Said wife will chop you up into tiny pieces with a butcher knife if she thinks you have it out for her husband, and will ask to borrow your washer and dryer to size you up and ensure that you don't have a change of stripper clothing in your machines so that you can suduce her husband while she is working.
- Creeps outside at the same time that you get home from work, every day, shot-blocking a quick trip to the house box because you are bombarded with a million questions about your day and your job.
I think I have summed it all up. And my days off are always exponentionally more creeptastic because I am home alone, frightful that he might discover me making a sneaky attempt to check the mail unnoticed.
How would you respond to his crazy advances? Do YOU have a creepy neighbor too?
*Note that my creepy neighbor bears no resemblance to the late Michael Jackson, but I just thought this picture was pretty creep-tacular all by itself.
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