Kunst

I love going to art museums and looking at all the beautiful and not so beautiful pieces of art. The idea that little pieces of people’s hearts, minds, or even souls are put up for display is beautiful and often awe inspiring. This is also why art is scary and risky to make, it is putting something from you onto a piece of paper or canvas or clay or any other wide array of mediums and allowing the rest of the world to view it. It is a scary, dangerous, and often messy thing to make a piece of art. Creating art makes us vulnerable and that is always risky. So why do we do it?

I think it is because God created works of art as well, and whether we know it or not we strive to be more like our creator. God made the universe and He also made us; He took a piece of Himself and put it out there, it was dangerous, messy, and risky. He knew He would face pain, criticism, and many times be completely rejected.

When God created us, unlike our works of art, He didn’t just face criticism from others observing His art, His work of art criticized themselves. We don’t often think of ourselves as a piece of God’s art so putting ourselves and others down is often treated like a good humbling practice, but in all reality is it criticizing God’s art. He put Himself into making us, and a lot of time, thought, and love went into our creation. He knew we would not appreciate His art always, but He loved us anyways, and He constantly looks at us and says, “What a beautiful work of art.”

Victoria's Way of Having a List, Without Having a List

I think I should make a public apology to my hypothetical husband. Why? Because he has to be the most (hypothetically, speaking of course) crazy man alive.

I have so many qualifiers. And they are ridiculous. Warning: drinking warm liquids during reading this may cause you to spew quite a bit onto yourself.

1. You're going to be a lumberjack.
2. You're going to love flannel.
3. You're going to forgive my cigar-smoking, beer-drinking, sometimes swearing mouth and accept that I am classy (mostly).
4. You're going to love little children.
5. You're going to have a beard. (Insert the Love My Lips song from the Veggietales here because every time I hear the word beard, my inner chorus begins singing "She had a beard and it felt weird...")
6. You're going to love that I can sing the theme songs to most every show I adored as a child.
7. You will embrace that I like things a lot or I just don't like it all. I will eat vegetables, fruits, mac and cheese until I cannot stand the smell of the, go on a hiatus, and then start back into my love fro them.
8. You will not drink Pepsi and will embrace that red can of Coke like it is your very own.
9. You will accept that beer-drinking me really prefers hard ciders and fruity drinks (well, mostly).
10. You will sing along to my stupid songs or you will sing your own.
11. You will love animals, but won't make me love dogs because sometimes I really don't like them.

And, things I will never apologize for..

1. You will love God, more than me.
2. You will love people.
3. You will love children. (You don't have to want them; I will convince you of that.)
4. You will love cupcakes, because I love to bake them.
5. You will love laughter and laugh at jokes of all varieties.

You better exist hypothetical man or I will be sorely disappointed.

*This is spurred out of my temporary discontent with being single. I just know there's a bearded, flannel-wearing lumberjack waiting for me to call his lady.

One good quality =perfection

The other night a friend and I went out to get some dessert and a drink, when we were served by a man with a gorgeous Irish accent. We sat and admired his accent the whole night even to go as far as to stop talking whenever he was off talking to another customer. We agreed that although he wasn’t all that physically attractive his accent made him, all that (ok so I know that the term “all that” isn’t really used anymore, but in my head it is at least a step up from da bomb). So here I was picturing a life where I would just listen to this man talk, not really about anything in particular, for the rest of my life. However, I am pretty sure the awe of his accent would have faded quickly after I had to listen to 20 straight hours of him talking about futball and my “perfect man” would soon become flawed.

This situation may be different if it wasn’t for the fact that I tend to do this with any guy I like, I find one or two things I like about a guy and I only see those good qualities. I look for the things to cross off a check list of my perfect man and if he fits even one, I think ding ding I’ve got a winner. Now I know I am not the only one to do this, it is an epidemic sweeping the singles nation. How do I know this? Well I attended a Christian college, where the phrase, “I love Jesus, You love Jesus, let’s get married,” actually became a reality. So many times I have fallen into the trap of believing that just because a guy loves Jesus just as much as me, we are destined to be together forever. True it is essential that two people be at the same level spiritually for marriage, but just because that weird guy at my church gives his all to Jesus, it doesn’t mean God wants us to join forces by default.

So what am I to do to overcome this mindset? Well I need to take a step back, not just go all googly eyed, ask the people closest to me their opinions, and most importantly ask my heavenly Father what He thinks.

What are your opinions, why do you think we pick one thing about a person that we life and automatically think they are the one?

Creepy Neighbor Chronicles Continued

I think that I have finally reached the point in my life where I have been single for so long that it's almost as if I have never dated anyone. I have encountered enough creepy men as of late to make me realize that even if someone with no obvious potential creep factor (OPCF as we shall call it from here on out) were to approach me I would probably reel in disgust.

I don't know what the appropriate response to creepy men is, period. I am not a woman of little words and I am not a woman that is usually without a snarky comeback or one-liner. However, men with OPCF have approached me (creepy downstairs neighbor, for example) and I clam up. The moment I begin to feel even the slightest bit awkward, I stop talking. The inner dialogue is rather comical in hindsight, so I shall share that with you now:

(Creepy Neighbor =CN)

CN: Hey how about you sit down here and talk with me a bit.

Me: *Silence*

Internal Me: How about not. How about I punch you. How about I call Jerry Springer and explain to him that my drunk crazy neighbor keeps setting up propositions like he wants to have an affair with me and I am fairly certain his wife would chop me up into tiny fragments if she knew the truth.

Me: Uh no thanks.

CN: How was your day?

Internal Me: It was wonderful until I came downstairs and you were drunk, half dressed, and listening to bluegrass music (which I even used to like) and tried to get me to sit down with you and swig out of that unlabeled bottle of alcohol, where is your chloroform?

That's how every conversation is happening between the two of us. How do I make him not so creepy? What do I need to say to truly disengage him? How about you? Do you have a OPCF sense? Do you know when you are running into someone who is going to turn out to be a real creep?

The Renewal

This new found air is like breathing for the first time, awkward and clumsy. Vulnerability is giving way to a strength not found in me. Sometimes I feel I have been asleep and comfortable for most of my life, but there is a jarring inside my head that is resonating to the very depths of my soul. I cannot pin point the exact aha, where God’s wisdom shone through the dark attics of my mind, those that once were so content to sleep in mediocrity are now awakened by a trumpet blast of fresh cool air.

I am alive and this is my gift of life, so why am I simply letting it go by without any consequence? This is my life which I’ve chose to ignore hiding my head in the clouds or was it the sand, at some point they both mix together in a beautifully awful distraction from the truth of the life given to me. I will not sit still any longer, I will not hide any more, I will not let myself be controlled by anything other than the One who gave every single thing He had including His life to me. This is my declaration, my awakening, my freedom, my passion, my love, my all!

Nice Syndrome

There is one large problem with being Nice: when you’re single at the same time. If you’re a nice person and single, you can’t talk to people with them trying to think of someone they can set you up with because, well, you’re nice.

I mean, who has never used that phrase when trying to set you up. That is the go-to description when a set-up is trying to happen.

And then there is the fact you can never talk to the opposite sex, because if you’re nice to them, then you must be flirting with them.

Why can’t you just be nice?

Because I’m a nice girl and out going, I’ve given up being friends with guys, because since I hit the swan stage* of life almost ever guy I was “just friends” with has eventually wanted more.

And then when you start telling people this they start encouraging you to the contrary of your instincts. You see I know myself well enough to know when a guy is strong enough to keep up with me, and so far there have been very few I thought would be able to and even they have never made a move. And because of this I don’t settle. I know what I want and I’ve never been the girl for trial and error, which seems to be the philosophy of our culture, so I hate when people try to talk me into guys that are definitively not for me.

So what’s the solution? The only one I can come up with is to dress ugly and hit people with a big stick with nails jutting out of it.

But then that hardly the nice thing to do, is it?

*I was totally an ugly duckling growing up. I didn’t hit my grown up stretch until college. And even then I still didn’t feel like a grown up till a couple years ago, and even that’s negotiable.

Worry Wart

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.”

Chronic Worrier: Someone who worries about not worrying enough they worry so much.

That's what I am...a chronic worrier. I always want to know that I am in control, that I am the one who has got the end result in my grasp, and the one who decides the best choice. But I am hardly ever, if ever, the one who has it all mapped out.

So I worry.

And I worry.

And I worry.

I think the entire point of this post is my hopes that I am not alone in this. I worry that I have worried about a situation enough. It's impractical, silly, and most of all, tiring.

I don't have much more to say. It was a small confession in the midst of my hectic schedule. I don't ever seem to have time to think, but then I worry that I've spent too much time doing nothing! Geeze, I am a wreck.

Quickly, though, I've been thinking about things I want to do before I die. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Write a book about my life.
2. Explore another country and its sights.
3. Road trip across the US.
4. Get married to a lumberjack.
5. Have a ton of flannel-wearing babies.

Victoria Out.

My Concept of Reality

My life has too often runs in the cycle of me telling God what I need, me freaking out because I can’t possibly see how He could do it this time, Him providing for me above and beyond what I asked for, and finally me being shocked and amazed that I didn’t even see what was coming. Now you would think after all this time I would have just resigned to the fact that God will supply my needs beyond my understanding or comprehension. I think too many times I tell God my problems expecting Him to say, “Wow I didn’t expect this one, I mean I made the entire universe, but this car problem whew that may be a tough one.”

I too often put God inside my concept of reality, when in all actuality God is so much more than anything our minds can wrap around. Too many times, I tend to glaze over the spiritual part of God, I require Him to be only in my physical world. The truth is our lives are not just what we can see, feel, touch, taste, smell, or even describe with words.

We are spiritual beings created by Someone who we can’t physically experience with our senses, so why do we so often expect God to do things only we can understand.

I can’t count the amount of times I am shocked when God does something I didn’t see coming, and scared when I can’t see how it all is going to work out. Why? Why do I forget that God is so much more than my senses or reason?

I think it is because it is more comfortable for me to put things in the world’s perspective than to think that God is doing things all around me that I can’t see. It isn’t comfortable trusting in Someone who I have never seen, but the truth is I can rest in the knowledge that my God is good. He will never stop shocking and amazing me because He will never stop providing for me and you or loving me and you in ways we cannot see or imagine.

Time

Time flies when you're having fun, which is true, but even more so I think time flies when you have a car. I recently had a birthday (thus the reason I missed a day last week) and I am now a quarter of a century old. That makes me look back on life and feel like I haven't accomplished much. I have a long list of to-do's before I die, and haven't gotten very far on many of them. But that's when I realized I spent the first 25 years of my life learning. You don't get the chance to accomplish as much as you would like, because you're to busy learning how to do what you love, and even what it is that you love.

That's why I propose the the following break up of live stages: Learning, Loving, Living, Leaving. Like I said the first 25 years you're learning everything from walking to advanced mathematics. Then there's the next 25 years where you should understand yourself fairly well and are able to do the the things you love. Writing and traveling are my two biggest right now and I'm trying to follow through on those. The 25 years after that are Living. You've finally gone through enough of life that you understand the power of the moment, and you try to get the most life out of every moment that you have. Then there's the last 25, where you prepare to leave. Things don't matter quite as much and you start giving them to those that need them. You try to connect with your family as much as you can, and being right seems less important. Now these are finite rules, and to me it makes me work harder to achieve a since of balance between the four. I don't want wait till I'm 50 to start living in the moment, and since you never know when you're moment is, I always want to be prepared to leave gracefully from this world. So I try to pull all of these moments together into a consistent, which isn't always successful, but does bring about a more fulfilling life.

But maybe I missed a moment, What are you life stages?

Victoria's Just Saying moment

Working with children generally gives me the excuse to divulge in entertainment that classy adults toss aside as "child's play". However, upon the switching of our lullaby music to a more "hippy cd that doesn't skip" I am rethinking my love for children's things.

"And the chocolate cat goes cavorting around,

From this leafy limb unto that.

Sugarplums tumble, of course, to the ground...

HURRAH! For the chocolate cat!"

I am sorry, there is nothing about this lullaby that screams anything more than BIZARRE to me. As I sit patting two year olds to "Shut-Eye Town" I am praying that they are not finding themselves caught up in this awkward land of chocolate cats and gingerbread dogs. I am not generally one to be so judgmental, but if I have to put a bet on it, this song sounds more like a drug-trip than an appropriate wish for a child's dreams.

And this has been another one of those posts where the main point was so I could summarize it all by,

"Just sayin'"

(I hoped and prayed to find you a wonderful rendition of this song. This one is a children's choir, but I think you will realize that even they find this song excruciating. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87yI8SV2lic )

Friendship Necklaces

When I was younger and I liked someone I would tell them through a little note or letter, whether it be a friend, or if I liked liked a boy it didn’t matter each would get a cute note with more than likely several cute decorations on it. I would send this special person a letter telling them about my life and about my honest and simply feelings for them. I want to know what happened to those days of simply sharing our feelings. Did we all one day think, hmm… I think sharing our true emotions to someone through letter form or any form for that matter is way too childish? What happened to the days when if we wondered whether someone liked us all we had to do was ask?

Well I believe those days do not have to be over, I propose that we stop making things so complicated and go back to just being honest. You have friends that you are thankful for and love? Tell them, send them a note, now it doesn’t have to have BFF drawn all over it and a necklace enclosed that says best on their half and friends on yours, but I am sure it would be nice for your friends to hear how appreciated they are to you. This one doesn’t apply to me right now, but if you have a boyfriend or husband and you love them dearly, let them know it. Write them a note to tell them, it doesn’t have to have hearts and flowers drawn all over it, but if it does I think that would make it even more amazing. Finally, I know we all just figure God knows how we feel about Him, I mean He knows everything right? I am sure that He does, but I am also sure that He would love to hear it more than we say it, so write a note to God telling Him how He makes you feel, the good, the bad, and the wonderful.

What are some ways that you share your love to those you care about?

Ninja God

I have been pegged as the sort of person that formulates crazy metaphors that rarely do any good after the initial sharing of them. However, I am proud of the writer-that-lives-inside-of-me that produces metaphors and similes at whim. There are many different ways to see God. You can view Him as indifferent, passionate, ruler, king, lord, distant, near, father, bridegroom, etc.

My favorite view of God is one that I'm going to demonstrate for you today:

God as Ninja.

I know, maybe some of you just laughed out loud, which is good. You should have. Ninja God is funny--until Ninja God judo chops you or tosses a few death-stars-of-judgment your way.

I am stubborn by nature. And that's something I don't wear as a badge of honor. The opposite is true, actually. Don't let others fool you into believing the opposite. I HATE being so stubborn. I hate that I get so ridiculously set on something that I can't accept help or see how to do it any other way. So then, here I am, with problems that I can't solve, and all I had to do was ask for help initially, and now the mess is bigger than it should be.

If God tells me to do something that I find uncomfortable or not-so-suited for my lifestyle, I run from it. And I don't just toss it in the garbage and walk on. Because, with God-callings, sure God is going to let you get away from some things for awhile (and I'm sure He and I will have a LONG talk about those when I get to Heaven), but there are some that find you.

That's where Ninja God comes in.

First He pulls the judo-chop of love.

I am somewhere, running away from God and His calling for my life, and here I am, overwhelmed and I am judo-chopped. Instantaneously I remember how much God loves me, how much He has sacrificed for me, and how much He desires to be with me. I'm paralyzed by it (like that song "Paralyzer", but better because it's God and not an over-played fairly-old song on the radio).

Then He throws a death-star-of-judgment

And He gets away with it. Why? Because, He's God. That's why. He reminds me of that Love that paralyzed me moments before and let's it permeate my being. He then reminds me that Love is a verb AND a noun. A proper noun, HIM. So, then I realize I have been shown love and mercy so that I shall, in turn, show love and mercy. And then God's callings are like eating my soul alive because I should have seen it.

Then He Pulls a Ninja Move of Stealth that Is Beyond Understanding And I Do What He Told Me to Do Initially.

It's true; it happens. Suddenly, I am doing exactly what God told me to do in the first place. And I have a few more bruises than I needed, and quite a few more scars because I was running and tripping and being a mess of a human.

Have you encountered Ninja God?

A trip down memory lane...

I must confess I am a not so closet lover of little antique shops. I love looking at all the history in those dusty shelves, and thinking what those pieces would have seen in their lifetime. Some pieces represent awesome fads like care bear lunch boxes, while others are timeless pieces of pottery or paintings. Each store contains little treasures of the past some good while others could have been left in the time period they were made, like those creepy old dolls that look like they are staring you down.

While searching through the old pieces of history I realized that I often do the same thing in my own life. I go and visit the antique shops of my mind, I spend time looking at each piece of history studying it and analyzing what could have been done differently or wishing those times weren’t passed. These trips down memory lane can be pleasant they can give me warm and fuzzy feelings, ones that make me praise God for those times. However, unlike a short trip to a shop, many times these trips end up causing me to feel regret, guilt, and get me stuck in a cycle of what ifs. Continuing to focus just on these memories, is like me staying in an antique shop for way too long, in the end it will end up costing me too much. I will miss out on what is happening now, the moments of the present are precious and should not be wasted by constantly looking backwards. So for now I will visit the past like I would an antique shop, occasionally and taking only what is special or needed home and leaving all the other junk behind.

When you least expect it....

Something very interesting has happened to me as of late. I have finally just accepted that I’m going to be single for a while longer, since there are no boys in this area to pick from. And I’m happy with this, truly. However, on Easter my best friend called me (we’ll call her Married Victoria since in real life her and Victoria have the same name, we’ll keep it going in the blog too) telling me that she thinks she’s found a guy for me. Now Lynn lives several states away from me and has made this statement before, but apparently this one she’s semi- connected to since he was in her youth group growing up (as opposed to her creeper days of taking the long distance photos of boys she works with for me). Well it’s been a couple weeks of his-mother-told-her-mother-to-tell­-me-to kind of stuff till she finally broke down and messaged him, telling him who she was and who I was and hoping she didn’t sound like a creeper. I was laughing while she told me about it and the fact that Vegas Victoria (yep, another Victoria. Really they enter my life in spades) messaged her on Facebook giving her blessing and encouragement to the whole situation. I think I might start getting a little paranoid, But in a fun kind of way.

But, if this had happened to me last year, I would have been all over getting this guy to notice me, like a ribbon on a maypole. Last year I was slightly depressed, friendless, and hating my job to the point of, I wonder if I’m really doing God’s will for my life. However I’m happy with life now and where I’m at and don’t need this to give me sanity. Maybe that’s why this is happening now? Who knows, but I have learned a couple things from this situation.

1. “When you least expect it” really means “in unexpected ways.” If you’ve ever been single for any length of time you’ve heard the phrase it will happen when you least expect it. This was always a troubling thought to me because I always seemed to expect it. I’m a writer which means I have an over active imagination. So whenever I met anyone new, but especially boys, I play out 500 different possibilities for how this new person will play out in my life, anywhere from the very bad to the very best. So because of this default in my brain, I wasn’t sure how “least expect it” could happen.

Now I know that it’s unexpected ways. Since I had resigned myself to the fact that boys I wouldn’t want to kill after one day of dating, let alone marriage, don’t exist in my town, and internet dating really isn’t for me, I figured I have to wait till I got another job in another town to find someone, but if this kind of random can happen once, it could happen again, which is encouraging.

2. God can pull a guy out of thin air. This kind of goes with the first point, but I think it’s even more true. Right now, I don’t know if I’m ever even going to talk to this guy let alone a relationship developing. But I feel like in a way God is encouraging me. Telling me that I really don’t have to worry about this part of my life and dreams anymore because when the time is right God can bring a guy out of thin air for me, and that makes me for the moment- very passive about the whole thing, knowing that if it’s meant to be, it will happen. Otherwise, God seems very good and pulling Men out of thin air for me.

3. God always wants to be your savior. I’m pretty sure if any guy had shown interest in me a year or so ago, I would have thrown myself head first into the relationship, whether or not it was a good idea. But that would have caused me to see the boy as my savior from a horrible moment in life, instead of God, who wound up answering my prayers and sending me to a great place where I’m truly happy. So now, looking back on that moment, I see why I was single: because any relationship at that point of life would not have been healthy. Looking back, I can see many reasons why I’m still single, but that’s another post entirely. The point is, God always wants to be the reason for the good things in your life- because he is.

Well that’s what I’ve learned so far. Who knows if any more lessons will come of this situation, but it’s going to be interesting for a little while at least. But what lessons have you learned from the blind date scene- or even the hopelessly single scene?

Always A Crisis

I have no idea what I want out of my life.

I have gone through so many traumatic, dramatic experiences in the past year and a half that I can hardly place them all in chronological order. Most days, I realize, that if I were to meet me somewhere out in the vastness beyond my apartment, I wouldn't recognize me.

The conversation would go something like this:

1: Hi, I'm Victoria (The observant me wouldn't start this conversation, no, she'd be too afraid.)

2: Uh, hi, can I help you?

1: No, I was just striking up a conversation, but now I can tell I did this all wrong. Your body language says that you'd rather not speak. You didn't even force a smile. I'll go along my way.

2: Ouch. That was harsh.

1: You're the one making up this hypothetical conversation. Okay, let's move past the formalities. What do you like to do? You know? The things that make you, you?

And at the end you could formulate whatever excuse you can to replace the lies I tell. I know the things that I love. But they seem so out of sorts. They don't seem grown-up enough. They don't sound mature. They don't sound achievable.

I love writing. I love the smell of old books. I love the sound of a child laughing. I love reading stories to children. I love holding hands. I love to watch movies over and over. I love reading out loud in general. I love the hours lost in a good book. I love journals and pouring out myself into words. I love old memories and revisiting the good ones like they were a place I could drive to in a car. I love baking. I love the sound of the rain when you are inside enjoying a good movie with a friend and pause to hear what the outside world sounds like. I love swingset races. I love theological conversations. I love taking pictures (and hate being in them). I love sharing my story.

I feel like a failure because I don't want to making six figures, starting my own business, and being a missionary across the world. I just want to hone my passions and run with them.

What about you? Are you being true to you? Or is you a complete stranger these days?

Check Please 2nd edition

This is check please, the Loralie edition…

1. 1. “I actually don’t think I’m going to get a job, my mom does a good job at supporting me.”

2. 2 For the first 30 minutes he brags about what a high score he got on just one of his video games.

3. 3 He invites you to go look at his collection of stamps, comic books, bugs, anything really of that sort.

4. 4 He talks to his mom on the phone while at the table then hands it to you to talk because he just knows you two would get along so well.

5. 5 He accidently calls you by his exgirlfriend’s name.

6. 6 He tells you his exact plans for his perfect wedding, down to the first dance song.

7. 7 He tells you, “You are my heroin.” (trust me that only work out ok in books and movies)

8. 8 He calls you babe, sugar, or woman.

9. 9 He says how glad he is that woman are so empowered in the 21^st century that he will let you pay for both of our meals.

10. 10 He says he is a Christian, because he goes to church some Sundays, but he says he won’t go every Sunday because he doesn’t want to get burnt out.

11. 11 He starts humming anything Brittany Spears.

12. 12 He says he believes in the conservation of water so he hasn’t showered for two weeks.

These are just a few things that would send me running during a date, I am sure there will be more to add to these later, and if you want to add your own I would love to hear them.

Uncertainty

So one thing that is great about living on your own is complete control of you decor. I love to decorate. And what’s more I love to decorate on a budget. I like the thrill of making something out of junk. Right now I have an old screen that used to be in a window to hang my earrings on. I made my desk out of a door, a buffet, and wooden boxes I put together. I just love the challenge of making one man’s junk into another man’s treasure. The only sad thing about this is I think I’m running out of room for my creations, which means one of two things: Replace old things, or move.

This is the difficult thing. Since I went to college I haven’t had a year where I wasn’t packing up and moving. Whether it was from college back home or cross country I’ve been moving, moving, moving. And I wanted to have a couple years where I stayed put and didn’t move but now I’m wondering if it’s possible for me to stay put. Maybe I have ADD with my living arrangements. Some people might say that makes since with the organization of my life- aka I’m not exactly the cleanest person. I just see better uses of my time than constantly tiding up, and as long as I’m able to find things it doesn’t really bother me.

I’m not really sure where all this is going. I guess I just wanted to share part of my life. Something that’s an uncertainty, because we all have them, especially when we’re single. Because if you’re like me, you know that you want to get married, but you don’t want to sit around waiting and twiddling your thumbs by the phone. So you start to develop this duel plan for life: a plan for being single, and you hypothetical life for if you married. So no matter how much you plan, there’s always uncertainty in your life, of course I’m sure the uncertainty continues as you go on in more ways than I’ve anticipated. But then, I’m used to rolling with the punches.

What have you learned to roll with?

The Creepy Neighbor Chronicles

Being a single 20-something has always given way to the more 'apt to get creeped on' factor. For whatever the reason, when someone realizes you are a single female living without a parent or significant other--it soon becomes 'on like donkey kong'. And I had NO IDEA that I was going to be treated like a prized buck lurking unknowingly in the woods.

Maybe that lead in was a bit melodramatic, but it's the expression of how I feel with living in an apartment building with what I will from here on out dub, 'the creepy neighbor'.

I was born and raised in Kentucky. Yes, let all of the jokes ensue, but I hate to buy into stereotypes of any sort, but I have been sold on some of the 'Jerry Springer Assumptions'. Go ahead and diss all that you fancy, but when it comes to crazies, I met plenty in my years as a good ol' Kentucky girl. Then I moved out of state and into a land of the unknown and the crazy factor increased by a good 100-and-crazy %.

Crazy Neighbor Stats:

• Nearing Fifty.
• Balding.
• Losing Teeth.
• Smokes cigarettes on a lawn chair outside the entrance to the apartment because it's a non-smoking building.
• Doesn't speak proper grammar.
• Will call you 'perdy' instead of 'pretty'.
• And will only do so after he establishes you are home alone.
• Has a crazy wife.
• Said wife will chop you up into tiny pieces with a butcher knife if she thinks you have it out for her husband, and will ask to borrow your washer and dryer to size you up and ensure that you don't have a change of stripper clothing in your machines so that you can suduce her husband while she is working.
• Creeps outside at the same time that you get home from work, every day, shot-blocking a quick trip to the house box because you are bombarded with a million questions about your day and your job.

I think I have summed it all up. And my days off are always exponentionally more creeptastic because I am home alone, frightful that he might discover me making a sneaky attempt to check the mail unnoticed.

How would you respond to his crazy advances? Do YOU have a creepy neighbor too?

*Note that my creepy neighbor bears no resemblance to the late Michael Jackson, but I just thought this picture was pretty creep-tacular all by itself.

Puzzle Pieces

Can you describe to me what this picture looks like on this puzzle? Right now this picture is not beautiful; it is just a bunch of jumbled pieces lying on the ground. This puzzle won’t be truly beautiful or even understandable until it is finished. The only person that can truly describe the puzzle before it is done is someone who has seen a picture of the finished product. The person who sees the finished product knows that this is truly a beautiful picture not just a random bunch of colors and shapes.

We all are like puzzles not quite put together yet. We may get called ugly or may be misunderstood, by those that just see the mess of random pieces that make us up. So we look and search for someone who will be the one person who will see the random pieces and think that we are beautiful just the way we are, or that one person who can complete our puzzle. Often the person who we search for is a significant other, which always leads to disappointment.

You look for contentment and reassurance from someone who is just as imperfect and whose vision of your completed puzzle is as blurry as anyone else’s view. While those that are not married often feel as if they are doomed to be incomplete while on this earth because the world often portrays a single person as only half a person until they are married. This is not true my friends, God is what makes us all complete, He is the only one that can see our completed puzzle and work with us to put it together.

Reminder Movie

Don’t you hate it when a guy won’t leave you alone? Now, I’m not talking about the actuality of the sentence, that’s a whole other post in it’s self. But what I’m talking about on this occasion is when you want/need to stop thinking about a guy and can’t.

This has happened to me recently and I knew it needed to stop, I just wasn’t sure how to make my mind realize this. There were two reasons why this guy would never work out. Number one is I’m pretty sure he never gives me two thoughts of his life let alone day, and number two is I know he’s not the right guy for me. But still my mind wouldn’t leave it alone.

The hardest part is that there was a moment where it seemed like something would happen, and then didn’t, most likely because he didn’t have the guts to do anything about it. So this one moment sent my mind into a downward spiral of not giving up hope. Something that threatened to drive me crazy and maybe it even did a little. But still, I knew I had to fight this girl disease.

I always mocked the girls that siphoned away their day mooning over boys that wouldn’t give them the time of day, and now I had become one, a closet case, but a girly girl none the less, and that in itself was enough to drive me crazy.

But finally after a long struggle of back and forth healing and renewal of this madness, I came to a very strong ending of it. I realized that I want someone better. This moment of brilliance was given to me by what I now call "My Reminder Movie." It's the movie I will now pull out to remind myself of what I want/need in a guy. And what is my reminder movie you ask? The Proposal is what finally cured the disease and along with it the understanding that I want one of "those guys." The guy that I couldn’t get out of my mind, definitely not that strong of a personality which is something I need.

And now, when and if the disease ever strikes again, I’ll pull out the Proposal and remind myself of the type of guy I actually want/need, and hopefully the moment will pass quicker than the last until the right guy comes along.

Maybe I need a trip to Alaska…..

What’s you reminder movie?

Check Please

I can guarantee you this segment is something that you will see referenced multiple times in the future of Making Assumptions. This idea spawned one night from late-night conversations and slap-happy conversations.

So, without further ado, I unveil to you my version of "Check Please".

We all know that there are deal-breakers when you encounter men in your life that you consider dating. The second they exhibit any of these natures, mutter any of these phrases, you are highly inclined to shout, "CHECK PLEASE" and run screaming into the night.

This is my list and does not encompass the full views of Sasha or Loralie. In the future be on the lookout for their contributions.

1. "That's a lovely shade of lipstick that you are wearing. What's it called? Where can I get some?
2. "Yeah, I used to be a Christian too, but then I thought, 'Hey, why not be your own god?'"
3. "You'll just love my mother when you meet her. She definitely screams 'Mother in law material'."
4. "Hey, it's so cool that we're 'just hanging out', you know, no strings attached."
5. "I love going Dutch."
6. "Last night as I was listening to Hannah Montana..."
7. They are rude to the waitress.
8. They trash talk everyone you know.
9. They try to "one-up" every story that you tell. (Every story that they tell you has to be more extreme, cool, crazy, dangerous, sad, etc, than yours.)
10. They check out other women, obviously while in your company.
11. They belch, burp, fart, pick their teeth, or begin flossing while at the table.
12. They bring their own toothpicks to use while eating.
13. They slurp their spaghetti.
14. They floss with their spaghetti.
15. They floss with your hair.
16. "You are prettier than a Volkswagon Beetle."
17. "My exgirlfriend was _____________" this applies in first date situations primarily. Negative or positive things can follow and it still be a tad bit inappropriate to go that direction on a first date!

That's all for now. Do you have any "Check Please" moments?

The Run

The other day I was feeling adventurous or possibly crazy and decided to go for a run early in the morning. I was so excited I laid out all my clothes for the next day, and put a bottle of water cooling in the fridge for refreshment. I even decided I was going to do my daily devotionals out by the lake after I was done, so I got all of those necessities ready as well.

Once I got there I planned it all out, I was pumped, I would stretch for a while then I would make a few loops around the outside of the park, then a couple on the inside circle. Once I was done planning I was off, running like the wind, still feeling excited with the cool air entering my lungs, and listening to the rhythm of my feet against the pavement. Then the first big hill came into sight, so I prepared myself repeating things like, “You can do this, no problem at all.” However, it was a problem, my legs were feeling like jello, I was breathing like I had emphysema, and I was getting sick to my stomach. So I decided, it was no big deal I would walk up this first big hill no problem as long as I’m moving that’s all that matters. Once at the top of the hill I was rejuvenated and decided to take to running again, and so here I was again with the cool air in my lungs and the lovely rhythm of my feet. I was fine, it was all downhill and I could actually do this, that is until I saw it, the next big hill. I gave myself another pep talk trying to tell myself it wasn’t going to be like last time, I was going to beat this hill. I was halfway up the hill when the nice cool air started to not be enough for me to breathe, and the rhythm of my feet started sounding more like war drums than music to my ears. After cycle repeated itself a few times I finally made it back to my car, completing only about one full lap around the park, slightly less than anticipated. Worse, I didn’t even make it to my devotionals since my stomach did not stop churning until hours later; the whole adventure seemed to be a bust.

When I got home that day I decided I would never run again. However when I look back at it, I can see just how much that run symbolizes so much of my life. Every time I face a struggle I get pumped I am convinced that I can do it all by myself, and that I will do it perfect the first time I try. Then when I fail to do it perfectly the first time, because really who does, I get discouraged and give up or try to ignore this problem altogether.

The truth is I need to learn to fail, to fall flat on my face, then get back up and try it again. This failing business can be hard, but I have learned that when God is teaching you something it can be necessary and essential to learning. It was said well in one of my favorite movies Meet the Robinsons, “From failure we learn, from success not so much.”

Full Throttle

So let me start by saying that I absolutely love my life right now. I'm doing many of the things that I love and have many friends that I love both near and far, not to mention a great family and church.

But sometimes I still wonder "Is this is?"

Sometimes I just want to quit this life and become a gypsy. Travel the world, sampling all it wares and cultures. Write and paint and dance and whatever else comes my way. I wonder what my life would be like if I had become a paleontologist (a dinosaur guru for those of you who read that word and feel it tickling the back of your brain) That was what I wanted to be until the third grade when my Dad broke it to me that there wasn't a high calling for paleontologists, so I went to my back up of teacher, which eventually evolved to children's minister: teaching without government restrictions, which is a great fit for me, since to many rules tend to make me subversively rebellious.

There seem to be so many moments like this in life: What if I had actually gone backpacking in Europe, will I ever get to do that, What if I had stayed in Vegas after my internship, what if I had decided to try for a missionary position in Germany (does it make me a bad Christian that it terrified me to try?)

All the questions to unknown paths in life, and yet I have no regrets. If anything these push me harder to live life full throttle. And maybe by going full speed ahead, I'll get the chance to live some of these moments.

All I know is that I'm taking it one step at a time and enjoying every moment.

Assumed

"Assumptions are the termites of relationships." Henry Winkler

I wanted to address assumptions. Making Assumptions is a name that we pulled from a conglomeration of sources. I assume that everyone makes assmptions. (See what I just did there? If you missed it, reread until you understand it, or hit ALT + F4 quickly.)

It is easy to assume that things are one way or another way, because that's simply the way that they look from the surface. But, in all actuality, once you scrape past the top layer, everything changes.

I am single, therefore many people assume that something is wrong with me.

Let's get this soapbox out of the way so you don't have to hear my drone on about it at a later dater.

Singleness is not equal to leprosy.

In fact, I may say the most unorthodox Christian thing to say: I am happy in my singleness.

Let that really sink in, right now I am completely happy being a single 20 something! Here's my quick list as to why:

1. I live with my best friend!
2. I get to spend my money on what I want. (I will not get into my belief that all money is God's money, but for the purpose of speaking about frivilous perks: I buy all the shoes I want to.)
3. I watch what I want to. I listen to what I want to. I read what I want to. I wear my pajamas around the apartment. I get to be comfy in this space that isn't consistently flooded with a Man-Being. (Also, I am not a man-hater. I just am really glad for nights where I can throw on PJs, and veg with my Ladies.)
4. I can wake up on Saturday and say "Let's do lunch" and my best friend and I can end up in the big city discovering new food. I don't have to answer to anyone or anyone else's plans.
5. I can volunteer my free time. (What? Yes, you heard me correctly. I can commit to volunteering at church every Sunday because I don't have a man to go out to eat with after church. I get to invest my time in small people that I don't take home and feed, bathe, and put to sleep every evening.)
6. All of my changes in lifestyle aren't made to please a man, but to please myself and made within Christ.
7. I get to have nights out with my girls and not feel like ages have to go inbetween them.
8. I get to grow up and experience life independently or as interdependently as I want to.

I think that if a lot more single men and women would speak out in Church against the plague of stereotypes of incompleteness until you're rocking rings, the world would change. I am not offended by the "marrying age" increasing. There's a lot more people living their lives and discovering themselves instead of awkwardly doing it through their marriages.

I am not a raging mad woman about being completely independent. I love and adore my relationships with my friends and my family. I also love getting to know my limits and my personality as I grow up and get out into the world. I don't want my personhood based solely on what I have come to know about myself through a relationship and nobody really wants to marry someone who doesn't know themselves with you in the picture.

Also, I love my friends that are in positive, healthy relationships and marriages. I love their examples and their witness through their non-single statuses. I just know that there is nothing in the Bible that says "You will be burned in Hell for not marrying quickly and marrying well."

My soapbox rant is over with. Comments?

The Modern Day Matchmaker

The Modern Day Matchmakers

Matchmakers throughout history and societies have played an important role in putting families and marriages together however now they thought to be obsolete and not useful here in the States. (Well other than online dating matchmakers, but that is a whole other ballgame).No the matchmakers of today are too sneaky to make a career of their matchmaking skills. These matchmakers may not even call themselves a matchmaker, but that is what they are none the less. Since the matchmakers of today’s society are so sneaky and come in so many different forms I thought I would list some I have recently encountered just as a warning.

The first type of matchmaker and sometimes the most deadly is the Mother Matchmaker. She is a mother that is desperate for her, in my case son, to be married that she will throw him at any available, acceptable single female in hopes that one of them will fall madly in love with him, or at least marry him. This one just spells run.

The second type of matchmaker is the marriage-the-ultimate –pick-me-up matchmaker. These people think everyone should be married or in a relationship, because it will fix everything and make you so much happier. If you have any sort of problems these matchmakers know just how to fix it, with a good relationship. These matchmakers will try you out with anyone they know who is single, no matter whether they are smart, attractive, and funny or well the opposite of all those things. I mean in the end all that matters is that you are just with someone right?

The third type of matchmaker is the bandwagon matchmakers. These matchmakers believe everyone should be married after a certain age. It is like you have a clock around your neck that is just ticking down the seconds and when it runs up, that’s the end you are doomed to a life of singleness forever. Phrases like, “Oh your single? Well we will just have to fix that won’t we,” may be used frequently.

I have come to find that most people who are matchmakers either are married or in a relationship. That is unless they fall into the fourth category this is the-single-friend-using –your-singleness-to-get-them-a-date matchmaker, not one of my shortest names, sorry. These matchmakers are those friends that like someone, but this someone will not go out on a date with them unless their friend can have a date as well. Usually saying yes to this spells an awkward and uncomfortable date. Thankfully this is a rare occurrence, but I just thought you should be aware that it is out there.

Finally the last one I could think of is the I-think-you-two-would-really-like-each-other matchmaker. This matchmaker will ask to set you up with someone that they know well and that they think you would get along with well. These matchmakers usually are people that think you are awesome and want you to be with someone that is just as awesome. Both parties are examined fairly well and can be less sketchy than other matchmaker’s techniques.

I am sure that there are many other types that I have failed to mention, but I hope that I covered some that you may experience. Some of these matchmakers may work for you and if any do, I am glad, but I did feel as someone who has been there, it was my duty to warn you of some of the modern day matchmakers.

And the green grass grows all around all around…..

As I glance out my window, I notice something that looks like the Trolls that were beg in the 90’s popping its head out next to my mail box. Who ever decided those things were cool? I actually had a few, I even still have a pair of troll earrings which I claim to keep around for the sake of my job (remember, I work with kids) but secretly I really do like them, except for the fact that when I was younger I decided to give one of them a hair cut.

Ok, So it’s not really a troll in my front yard. What it is really is decorative grass that is growing back from it’s winter hibernation. I don’t really care for the stuff, but I rent so I don’t really have a huge say in the landscaping of my place. Sometimes I think about moving out and getting house to call my very own, but then I remember that I hate mowing so I stay put.

It’s moments like this that make me wish I was married. Of course there are fleeting moments when I remind myself that those are the wrong reasons for marriage.

But what single person doesn’t have those thought from time to time how much greener the grass must be on the other side. I mean when you’re married, you have someone that shares the house work with you, someone to go places with, someone that helps the financial situation, etc. etc. etc. But then I have quite a few married friends that say the see me with the greener side of life. I’m free to do what I want, to get up and go, I don’t have to juggle 6 different schedules, or to clean up after any one than myself.

When you get down to it, every has those moments of: “Life would be better if….” Married, single, with kids, without kids, living in the USA, or abroad, in school, out of school and the list goes on and on.

I acknowledge this. And I think that acknowledgement is what helps me see that I really love my life right now. I have my moments or days or weeks of the desire of marriage coming to the foregrounds of my life again, but I still know that I’m happy and wouldn’t want to change a thing. I find joy from this moment in life, and in the next moment, and so on and so forth.

I guess what I’m saying is I like my grass. What about you?

P.S. I had no clue where the troll story was going, that’s how it is with a lot of my writing, I’m going along with the journey same as you are. Enjoy.

Sleep Shopper: Newest Craze

There are many things that I would call myself. There are many things that I wouldn't call myself. Recently, though, I have discovered that I am no longer merely Victoria: Shopper. I have bumped myself up to a whole new world of people...Victoria: Sleep Shopper.

I am the sort that is full-tilt boogey on things in life. (That's correct. I said the phrase "full-tilt boogey and I am unashamed.) I am either all in or all out. To get me to come along with a vision, you have to sell me on all points. I don't want to eat food that I think is just okay. I don't want to read a book that only slightly interests me. I want passion to be one of my driving forces and if I can't get passionate about something, how am I supposed to remain interested?

Well, I am passionate about something, that's for sure...

Schoolhouse Rock.

What the heck is wrong with me? I know that you were think that before I even typed it. (Shame on you for e-judging me. That's very rude, but that's okay. Forgiveness granted.)

I wanted to purchase the DVD so that my students this summer will continue to get education when we are tired from swimming in the pool and running around outside like crazy fools. It will be our "cool down" time, and everyone walks away with catchy songs in their heads.

How obsessed am I?

I purchased the DVD from Amazon.com while sleeping. That's right. I was SLEEPING. Shame on my computer for having my passwords saved and my credit card information logged into my account on Amazon. Shame on me for talking the DVD up until I couldn't stand it any longer.

Bravo, Sleep Self, you did something I couldn't convince Waking Self to do.

And, now, "Conjuction, Junction" can resonate in my head and in my aparment as often as I would like.

Falling Backwards

Today while changing diapers, one of the fun duties of working with children, I noticed that I had to catch every child like they were doing a trust fall off the diaper changing table. Each child would either jump straight forward after they were changed into my arms or they would just fall backwards into me. Not one child hesitated, questioned if I could catch them, if I was strong enough, or if I would be there, each one would just jump or fall back right into my arms. I tried to think of ideas why they would do this, some of these included, a baby version of cliff jumping, they were adrenaline junkies, they were secretly trying to get rid of me by giving me a heart attack when they jumped off the table while I wasn’t ready, or probably the most likely reason is that I have always been there to catch them. I have never once just left the table to do something else and let them jump off and fall, so from experience they know I will always be there to catch them.

This makes me think to my own life, I don’t like to jump off that table, to trust that a God who I can’t see will catch me every time. So I fight, I ask questions a Home Land Security interrogator would be proud of, and still stare over at that edge. Where did I learn that He wouldn’t be there to catch me, has He ever just left and let me fall? The answer is no, but from the amount of scars on my heart I have fallen off that table, hit the floor and have been hurt plenty of times. Have I lost you yet, you are probably asking if God always was there to catch you why did you fall? The answer is I wouldn’t let Him catch me, or I would try to jump off into someone else’s arms that weren’t strong enough to catch me. True some people tried very hard to catch me they tried to be there all the time, they tried to be strong enough, but just when they left for a second, I would jump, or the weight of my problems would just be too much for them. So each story would end up the same, with me broken on the ground wondering what happened.

God really is the only one that has been there the whole time waiting for me to jump; He is the only one that has power enough to catch me. It is hard when the memory of the fall is so close, but the feeling of the catch, the arms surrounding you, protecting you, holding you is truly worth the vulnerability of the jump. I still hesitate and question, but I hope someday to be more like a child free falling into His arms.

Compound creatures

If you’ve never noticed, the world is made up of compound creatures. There’s the Pineapple, my personal favorite, and it counterpart the platypus. There is also the eggplant, the pear tomato, and sunflowers, just to name a few.

Now none of these are literal compounded creatures, but only the semblance of two or more “others.” And the greatest thing about these is how much life relates to them. I mean pineapples themselves are a picking of truth in relationships. Quirky on the outside, sweet on the inside, and none of them quite the same, even though they have the same basic parts. Then there’s things like the eggplant, where only some live up to the name (fact: There are actually eggplants that look like eggs, thus the reason they got their name. It wasn’t until this name had been established that purple oblong ones came along. If you don’t believe me- Wikipedia-it) and the rest are only posers (I’m sure you have someone in mind as you read this) And then there are those of us that are sunflowers in life, truly beautiful, and reminding us of greater things in the world. And really, that’s where it’s at. We are all compound creatures. Beings made of part truth and part illusion. We were meant to be completely truth. Much more than a sunflower claims, or any of the other compound creatures, but we have lost ourselves along the way. Well, not really along the way, but more like at the beginning. I know what your thinking- “she’s going to do the corny Christian thing of spelling sun- son and all that.” But no, not really. I’m just being reminded of the fact that we all are human, just as we were meant to be, just as the sunflower is really a flower.

But we all want to be more than that, just like if sun flowers could talk I’m sure they would say something along the lines of “man, if I really were a sun, think of all the good I could do. I could make sure everyone has food, and that everyone warm, and that everyone has light. Think how great the world would be.” And we’ve all had sunflower moments. Yes we’re human, but we were made in the image of God. So we all have moments of “man, if I was God, think of all the good I could do. I would make sure that everyone had food, and that everyone was warm, and give world peace. Wow, think of how great a world that would be.” But we forget about the consequences of retracting free will. For to force that upon the world would be to change what we are entirely. Making us less than sunflowers, or pineapples or eggplants. It would make us grass, or potatoes, or dogs: Whole one dimensional and lacking in our other half- our divine half.

So personally, I’ll take the compound life with all it’s problems for now, because I know it fleeting, then I won’t be a poser of an eggplant, I’ll be more. I’ll be a Starfruit, wholly both of my halves, in complete harmony, how God intended me to be. But for now, I’ll be the best pineapple I can be until my day of fulfillment comes.

P.S. Sorry Victoria for stealing your sunflowers, I really meant it to be about pineapples, but those tricky sunflowers snuck in there…)

That Isn't Love

I have been bombarded with plenty of different life experiences in my short years of living. But, I have never walked away with more "nuggets 'o knowledge" through anything other than working with children. If I had been more intelligent, or more conscientious about the future, I probably would have walked around with a tape recorder and recorded every interaction I have ever had with a child.

I have learned an incredible amount about men from boys under the age of five. One boy in particular has this uncanny way of making your heart melt while simultaneously frustrating you beyond your perceived limitations. On the playground a few sunny days ago, an affectionate four year old girl walked up to me pouting about my precious little gem.

"He said the "s" word."

The "s" word to every child across the nation is either "stupid" or "shut up". Knowing the nature of my precious darling I knew that he had just called her stupid. I began the journey of wrangling the little demon, er, lovable darling and dragged him to what we in authority like to note as the "sitting bench". He screamed that he did not want to sit, and I did not have a hard time believing that. After holding him while he struggled against my hug I got him to take a breath.

"I am never going to talk to you."

I thought I might have reached the end of my rope at this point, but I patiently waited for his next remark.

"She's the stupidest meanest girl on this whole playground."

"That isn't very nice!" I gasped in my mild shocked voice.

"She's always saying that she loves me and that she wants to play with me, but she keeps hiding and she just won't play with me!"

"I am positive that she loves you."

Here she chimed in, "Of course I love you! You're my cousin."

He looked at me in all seriousness and replied, "She doesn't love me! She keeps running away from me! That isn't love!'

And in that moment, I realized that this boy had muttered something that we too often unlearn. Love is often looked at as if it were a game, where we chase and chase the rabbit until we catch one (any at all) and keep it. Or we make the allusion to fishing and say that there are many other fish in the sea when the one we had our sights on evades us. But, honest true love doesn't have a reason to run.

Then why do I run from God's love? Why do I run from Him? Is the Creator of the Universe telling an audience of the Heavenly Host that I don't love Him because I say that I want to follow Him and be His, but then I just keep running away from Him? Can He, too, say "That isn't love! She just keeps running away from me! She doesn't love me!"